mesbooks Chapter 1703 - 46: Good Son, Bad Son
Chapter 1703 - 46: Good Son, Bad Son
Inside there are several carbonized exercise books, some burnt toy remnants, and a charred diary.He quickly flipped open the diary.
...
[Li Mingcheng’s mother, personal diary]
[Recording life, recording time, wishing family health and peace.]
...
...This must be the diary of that Horror Grandma.
Just from the beginning, the handwriting is neat, the style is positive, nothing like that blood-stained, carbonized monster wielding an axe.
Su Ming’an continued reading.
...
[March 12, 2023, Sunday, clear]
[Mingcheng moved back to the old house today.]
[He dragged his suitcase into his childhood room, and I stood at the door watching him move boxes of medical books inside.]
[He rasped: "Mom, I’ll just put these books in the attic. Won’t be needing them for now."]
[I nodded.]
[I made braised spare ribs for dinner, his favorite as a child. The meat was tender, the sauce rich. He buried his head and ate two bowls of rice, choking up as he said, "Home-cooked meals still taste the best."]
[Just those words nearly made me tear up. My son is home, and that’s enough.]
...
[March 18, 2023, Saturday, overcast]
[Mingcheng barely goes out. Every morning when I return from grocery shopping, I see him sitting on the balcony, staring blankly at the old pagoda tree downstairs. The spring buds have started sprouting, but he seems to still linger in the cold of winter.]
[Today I tried to have him help with choosing the vegetables. He took the spinach, eyes drifting far away, before returning to reality after a while.]
["Mom," he suddenly spoke, "Earlier my Director Liu sent me a message, said there’s an academic conference inviting me. I refused."]
["Why not go and listen?" I asked gently.]
[He shook his head, voice low: "I don’t have the right. A doctor whose license is revoked, who has caused a patient’s death, isn’t qualified to sit and listen to others talk about saving lives."]
[I was silent for a long while.]
...
[March 19, 2023, Sunday, rain]
[I’m starting to slowly understand what he’s going through. The television news no longer has specials on "the genius young doctor Li Mingcheng", and the online articles that once praised are filled with angry accusations. He’s packed up his old medical books and case files into boxes. Sometimes he stares at his old awards, seemingly for an entire day, with heavy sighs.]
...
[March 25, 2023, Saturday, rain]
[At two in the morning, I was awakened by a faint sound from the attic.]
[I draped a coat over myself and went upstairs, pushing open the slightly ajar door. Mingcheng was sitting on the floor, surrounded by old notebooks and stacks of documents. The lamp cast a dim glow.]
[In front of him lay open a surgery record, a gift from his master at graduation, with his mentor’s dedication: "To the future most outstanding surgeon".]
["Mom?" He looked up, face stained with remnants of tears, hastily wiping them with his sleeve, "Did I wake you?"]
[I sat beside him, and he suddenly rested his forehead on my shoulder, a forty-two-year-old man fragile as a four-year-old child at this moment.]
["Mom... I just want to save people. That case was complex, we used all conventional methods... The new drug had theoretical backing from the hospital’s evaluation, the family also desperately pleaded with us... How did it end up like that? I watched his vital signs disappear right in front of my eyes... Am I irredeemably evil?"]
[I gently patted his back, like soothing him from childhood nightmares: "Child, Mom doesn’t understand your medical matters, but Mom knows you’re not God. You tried your best."]
[He trembled, saying: "But everything we learned in the first half of our lives is stained with blood. Every time I pick up the surgical knife, I see that patient’s face. The association revoked my license... I don’t deserve to practice medicine anymore."]
["Mom, will I... will I just see dead people from now on? I can never save anyone again..."]
["Child," I said, "Mom doesn’t understand medicine, but Mom taught for a lifetime. I remember a student who worked very hard but suddenly got a fever before the college entrance exam and did poorly. He later asked me: ’Teacher, am I destined to fail?’"]
[Mingcheng lifted his eyes to look at me.]
[I said: "I asked him: ’Will all the things you worked hard for, the knowledge you’ve gained, disappear because of one exam?’ He said no. I said: ’Then your life will not be destined to fail because of one setback either?’ He also said no."]
["Mingcheng, you’re not God. Doctors can treat illnesses, but they can’t conquer all death. This isn’t a sin, it’s human limitation."]
["Heaven and earth grant us life, let us experience toil, offer ease in old age, and rest in death. Life and death are natural phenomena, doctors are those who do their best in the natural process, not gods who lord over life and death."]
["A single irreparable accident doesn’t erase everything you’ve excelled at, not just surgery skills; you can use your abilities to do other things. It might not be the path you wanted, but it could be a path worth walking."]
[We sat in the attic until the first light of dawn. As we left, he suddenly grabbed my hand and said: "Mom, thank you, I know what to do now."]
[Silly child, it’s me who should say thank you. Thank you for being willing to return home, for letting me see your wounds.]
...
[April 5, 2023, Wednesday, cloudy]
[Today is Qingming, went with Mingcheng to visit the old man’s grave.]
[He prepared carefully, bought the Longjing tea the old man liked in life, and a bouquet of white chrysanthemums. At the grave, he respectfully bowed three times, and spoke in a low voice for a long time.]
[I couldn’t clearly hear the specifics, but I saw him wiping his eyes as he spoke. Finally, he said: "Dad, I will take care of Mom, rest assured."]
[On the return bus, he gazed outside at the swiftly passing landscape, suddenly said: "Mom, I want to continue my previous research, now that work’s gone, I can do it peacefully."]
["Good." I said, "Let Mom know what you need."]
...
[April 16, 2023, Sunday, sunny]
[Today is a good day!]
[In the morning, the publisher sent me the sample copy of my new book, titled "Gleaning Collection - A Reading Journal of a Chinese Language Teacher". After retiring, I leisurely sorted out old manuscripts, never expecting it would actually get published. The cover is elegant, with a light beige background and a few floating ginkgo leaves, which is my favorite style.]
[Mingcheng was more excited than I was. He held the book, flipping through it repeatedly, his fingers caressing the cover, his eyes shining: "Mom, it’s so beautiful! The preface is really well written... and the layout is good too..."]
[In the afternoon he went out quietly, and when he returned, he carried a small cake and a bouquet of pale purple irises.]
["Mom," he solemnly handed the flowers to me, "you’re amazing. These articles will still be read decades later. This is what can truly be left behind. Mom, I’ve always respected you. I did before, I do now, and I will in the future... I won’t let you suffer from illness, I will help you be healthy and live a long life."]
[He looked at me with reverence, as if something else had entered his eyes. I saw a kind of determination in his eyes... What was he planning to do? Anyway, he’s finally standing up again.]
[This child... I should have said these words to him. But seeing his genuine happiness for me, my heart felt warm.]
...
[May 12, 2023, Friday, sunny]
[Xiao Bao’s birthday is next week! Mingcheng has already started preparations quietly.]
[Today a large cardboard box arrived by express delivery, Mingcheng mysteriously wouldn’t let me see it. When Xiao Bao went for his nap, he opened it—it’s a set of star projector lights, said to be able to project the entire Milky Way.]
[Mingcheng was studying the instructions while saying: "Xiao Bao saw it in a science book last time and said he wanted to go to the observatory. We can’t go now, so I’m creating an observatory at home for him."]
[He spent the entire afternoon in the attic, tuning it, while I listened from downstairs, hearing him humming songs... Oh, it was the lullaby I sang to him when putting him to sleep as a child.]
[In the evening, he excitedly pulled us upstairs, and the attic was transformed into a starry sky. As the lights were turned off, a deep blue night sky flowed across the entire ceiling. Countless points of light flickered on and off, and the Milky Way slowly rotated like a glowing gauze ribbon.]
["Wow—" Xiao Bao opened his mouth wide, jumping with joy, "Daddy! Stars! There are stars!"]
[Mingcheng picked him up and began telling a story: "Look, those seven stars together resemble a lighthouse... People rely on it to find their direction..."]
[Xiao Bao listened attentively, his little hands grasping at the air.]
[I quietly snapped a picture of this scene with my phone, father and son snuggled together, Mingcheng’s face free of gloom, and Xiao Bao smiling happily.]
[If only time could stop at this moment.]
...
[June 18, 2023, Sunday, stuffy]
[For some reason, my joints have been aching since summer began, but I didn’t pay much heed; people age like this.]
[It’s just that the pain is becoming increasingly unreasonable, sometimes waking me in the middle of the night.]
[I haven’t told Mingcheng. He’s just starting to regain his spirit and spends all his time in the attic, sorting out past academic materials.]
[I’ll endure the pain and it’ll pass.]
...
[July 3, 2023, Monday, thunderstorm]
[The pain has worsened.]
[Mingcheng took me to the hospital, yielding a... very bad result.]
[On the way home, he remained silent. I babbled comforting words: "Everyone has this day, Mom has lived to a ripe old age..." But he suddenly pulled the car over to the side of the road, his forehead resting against the steering wheel, his shoulders shaking violently.]
["Mom... I can’t save you... I can’t even save you..."]
...
[August 5, 2023, Saturday, night]
[The pain is unbearable, I can’t sleep through the nights, Mingcheng almost lives in the attic, his eyes bloodshot. He brings various herbal decoctions for me to drink, watching my face closely, as if waiting for a miracle.]
[Occasionally, I see him staring blankly at the direction of the attic, his lips moving silently, as if arguing with something invisible.]
...
[August 22, 2023, Tuesday, early morning]
[...He gave me a new "medicine".]
[Light blue powder mixed in water, a strange sweet aroma. As he watched me drink it, his fingers pinched the cup, knuckles white.]
[A miracle happened.]
[The agony that tormented me for months rapidly faded... A light, warm feeling spread from my stomach to my limbs and bones. The world became soft and bright.]
[Mingcheng breathed a sigh of relief: "Good it worked... Mom, you should get some sleep."]
[This was my first good night’s sleep in months.]
...
[September 10, 2023, Sunday, cloudy]
[The blue powder has become my dependence.]
[The pain still returns, only the sweet powder can bring relief, along with colorful dreams... In the dreams, the old man is still alive, Mingcheng is still the spirited doctor, and Xiao Bao remains forever young.]
[Mingcheng is giving me the powder more and more frequently, the dosage seems to be increasing. Yet, his complexion is worsening, he spends most of his time locked in the attic, and the chemical smell on him keeps getting stronger.]
[Once, I stumbled upon him heaving over the sink, mumbling indistinctly: "Not right... Why... side effects... can’t stop..."]
[I want to ask him, but my thinking has become somewhat scattered, and it’s difficult to concentrate.]
[Forget it, the child has his struggles.]
...
[September 28, 2023, Thursday, what day is today?]
[Xiao Bao cried today.]
[He secretly climbed up to the attic, wanting to play with his dad, but accidentally knocked over a small paper package. Colored powder scattered all over the floor, like spilled rainbow candies. Curiously, he dipped a finger in and put it in his mouth...]
[By the time I rushed up, I saw Mingcheng frantically grabbing Xiao Bao’s neck, trying to make Xiao Bao spit it out. Xiao Bao was terrified, his face turning purple, struggling desperately and crying out loud.]
["What did he eat?! Tell me!" Mingcheng shouted at me, his eyes reddened, looking terrifyingly unfamiliar.]
[I was stunned, shaking my head in a daze. It wasn’t me... I didn’t give it to him...]
[Mingcheng suddenly released Xiao Bao, squatted down clutching his head, letting out beast-like wails.]
...
[October 2023—(date is blurred, paper wrinkled, watermark spreads the handwriting)]
[Everything is in chaos.]
[I need the powder, more and more. Pain? My bones are crawling with bugs, my blood is boiling... give me! Give me!]
[...Xiao Bao is not right either. Sometimes he sits listlessly in the corner all day, his gaze empty. Sometimes he suddenly screams and throws things. He’s so thin that he’s out of shape, yet his eyes are exceptionally bright, making my heart feel uneasy.]
[Mingcheng roams the house like a ghost. He tries to stop me from eating, tries to stop Xiao Bao from eating. When he looks at me, his eyes are full of regret and pleading.]
["Mom, I want you to live, you can’t stop the medication, stopping will..." he sobbed, "the side effects... how to remove these damned side effects! Give me a little more time, I can...!"]
[Tonight it rained, thunder rumbled. From the attic came sounds of thrashing and stifled cries.]
[My head is about to split open. Those voices... those shadows... they’re all speaking...]
[The old man calls to me from the wall: "Xiulan... Xiulan..."]
[Mingcheng begs me: "Mom... I’m begging you..."]
[Xiao Bao cries: "Grandma... I’m scared..."]
[And the sweet scent of colored powder, everywhere.]
[What should I do? Where is my son? What happened to my grandson?]
...
(A few pages of the diary are in frantic handwriting, with large smears and tear stains, some sentences rewritten multiple times)
...
[My son is a bad son.]
[He makes me eat those powders because he’s always lacked living experimentation subjects... If only he can develop this medicinal powder, many critical illnesses will be cured, he will be a hero, he can save people again.]
[My son is also a good son.]
[He makes me take this medicine to save me, otherwise I would have died long ago. I also hope he can become a doctor again... If the sacrifice is just me, if he doesn’t hurt others, I’m willing to be his experiment subject.]
[There’s always a burnt smell in the attic. Mingcheng spends more and more time in there, sometimes staying all night.]
[Xiao Bao’s birthday is coming soon. I’m praying, please let us have a beautiful birthday like last year...]
...
[The last clear memory?]
[Fire.]
[Such a big fire, starting from the attic.]
[There was thick smoke, screams, why did it catch fire?]
[Right, it’s Mingcheng no longer letting me eat candy, he pushed me, I knocked over some chemical agent, the house caught fire...]
[What is Mingcheng shouting? Can’t hear clearly.]
[Xiao Bao... yes, where is Xiao Bao?]
[Get away! Get away!!]
[Confusion... can’t see anything clearly... there’s a black shadow continuously pushing me, damn it! Don’t stop me from finding Xiao Bao and Mingcheng! I picked up the scissors on the table, and gave the shadow a vicious stab! Haha, don’t think you can stop me from saving Mingcheng!]
[Someone is pulling me outside... the force is strong...]
[Is it Xiao Bao? Someone pushed me out the door... with Xiao Bao... he shoved Xiao Bao into my arms...]
["Mom! Take Xiao Bao away!!"]
[And him? Where is Mingcheng? I finally see it clearly! Mingcheng turned and rushed back into the fire! He wants to go to the attic!]
["My notes! My experimental equipment! My powder! I can change the world! No—! Don’t let it burn!!" His voice drowned in the sound of the fire, he plunges into the depths of the flames.]
[It’s cold outside, raining.]
[The house is burning, the firelight illuminates half the sky. I finally crawled out, my hands and feet are bloody, wetly collapsed in the rain holding Xiao Bao. The door has caved in, I can’t get in. I stare numbly at the burning attic. The flames are like a clawed monster.]
[The building collapsed, Mingcheng never came out again.]
[Xiao Bao in my arms, motionless, not crying or fussing, I shook him, he didn’t move, didn’t smile, so many burns, no more breathing, his face charred black like a patch of mud.]
[My son...]
[My grandson...]
[Ah...]
...
(Dozens of pages follow, filled with meaningless lines, repeatedly drawn broken words)
...
[Mingcheng...]
[Xiao Bao...]
[Fire...]
[Medicine...]
[Pain...]
[Good boy...]
[Home...]
...
[X Year X Month X Day, early morning]
[The sky has been gray.]
[Mingcheng is gone, he must have gone out.]
[He must be busy outside, researching, researching how to cure me and Xiao Bao.]
[He will succeed. This time for sure.]
...
[X Year X Month X Day, night]
[Today?]
[Xiao Bao isn’t behaving, refusing to eat candy, running everywhere.]
[Have to watch him. When he’s cured, Mingcheng will be happy.]
[The powder is almost gone, but Mingcheng will make more. He left the formula. In the attic, the attic...]
...
[X Year X Month X Day, night]
[Someone’s here.]
[Today I saw someone looking around outside the fence.]
[His back... a bit like Mingcheng when he was young.]
[Is it Mingcheng returning? Or Xiao Bao?]
[The house is too quiet. Needs some liveliness.]
[I have "candy". Sweet, eat it and won’t hurt, and will be happy.]
[There are lots of "candies" left by Mingcheng.]
[Share them with the "grandsons", then they will stay, right?]
[A family should be together.]
...
[X Year X Month X Day, night]
[They came! They came!]
[Not behaving! Always trying to run!]}
[Why run?! Grandma loves you! Giving you candy to eat!]
[If you don’t eat candy, it will hurt a lot, eat the powder-made candy, the pain flies away!]
...
[X Year X Month X Day, night]
[Today! Today I saw my grandson again!]
[He is not behaving at all! Hiding from me! Making such big noise too!]
[He’s sick, that’s why he’s so restless, don’t be afraid, grandma will cure you...]
[Grandma has a way! Grandma loves you! Grandma cares about you because she loves you!]
[Our family was so happy once...]
[Mingcheng is about to succeed... almost there... he’s just too busy, that’s why he never comes home, I haven’t seen him all this time...]
[Once the grandson is cured, we can...]
[we can...]
...
The diary ends here, the last few pages bear dark red stains, like dried blood.
On the last page of the notebook, using the force almost crushing through the paper’s back, a line of frantically twisted, irregular-sized letters is written:
...
[No one can think of leaving my dear grandsons grandma loves you together forever family reunion fire fire candy sweet has Mingcheng come back]
...
"Thud."
The moment he finished reading the diary, footsteps sounded behind him.
Su Ming’an closed the diary, pressing his lips tightly.
He silently turned his head, seeing behind him in the wall’s gap, an old eye.